In my post last week, Catch the Vision: Get Involved, I introduced you to people who had caught the vision of hurting children, and immediately got involved to help children in grief.

I am happy to say that another group joined in the cause this past week.  I was privileged to speak to The Golden K Kiwanis Club in my town of Orange, Texas.  As I was talking about how divorce is a big issue in children’s lives today, a retired school teacher spoke up and said:

“What’s so sad is that many children
think the divorce of their parents is their fault.”

Yes, sadly, children develop “It’s My Fault Syndrome,” along with other misconceptions about that little word, Loss. So, today, I want to briefly list some Facts About Losses that perhaps you can use to help a child who might have developed wrong thinking about any loss.

Let’s begin with his “hurt,” which is what our primary focus is all about.

Fact # 1:  All Losses Hurt Inside
Kids are used to Mom putting a band-aid on a bleeding knee from a fall.  But, when their feelings are hurting way deep down inside of them, the hurt can’t be seen, but they know something is causing them pain. And yes, it hurts so badly that it feels like a big bolt of lightning has hit them inside.

Fact #2:  Losses Are Not Their Fault
As already mentioned, children often think their parents’ divorce is their fault.  Some even think the death of a loved one is their fault. “If I had prayed more for my dad, he wouldn’t have died.” Make sure the child understands that things he has no control over is not his fault and that there is nothing he could have done to have stopped the loss from happening.

Fact #3:  Losses Cannot Be Replaced
Sometimes adults want to protect children from further hurt by offering them a replacement for whatever they have lost. For example: Suppose he had a pet to die.  Not wanting to see the child hurting, parents might want to replace the pet with another pet quickly.  Of course, it is okay to get another pet, but the child needs to understand that the pet he lost cannot be replaced, just like any loss he experiences.

Fact #4:  Everyone Suffers Losses
Sometimes when children have a loss, they think they are the only one having to go through a particular situation.  Let them know that people of all ages experience losses: moms, dads, boys, girls, teenagers, and grandparents.

Fact #5:  Losses Create Questions in His Mind
Losses create a lot of questions on a child’s mind, and their questions deserve an honest answer. Example:  “Why do people die?”  “If Mom and Dad no longer love each other, does that mean they don’t love me either?”  “Did my pet go to heaven when he died?” In the Adult Reference Guide, I listed questions children might ask about several different losses, along with suggested answers to those questions, so the adult won’t be caught off guard.

Fact #6:  Losses Bring Changes Into Life
Be prepared to explain to the child that his life will be different and not the same because the loss has changed it.  And by all means, talk with him about the changes his particular loss might incur.

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I started with Fact #1:  All Losses Hurt Inside, and I’d like to conclude with that.  In my book, I tell the children about the first time that God experienced a loss and hurt inside.  I think it is fitting for even us adults to think back on that time, and be reminded that, because He hurt, He understands when all of us hurt.

Just for the record, His first hurt occurred when Adam and Eve sinned.  Their sin separated them from God and He lost their friendship, as well as all the other people born into the world after them.  This loss of friendship made God hurt inside for the whole world.

But, aren’t you glad that He sent His son Jesus into the world to shed His blood to forgive us of our sins, so that our friendship with Him could be restored when we accepted Him as our Savior?

As wonderful as that is, God sent Jesus into the world to do something else, too.

“He has sent me to heal the broken-hearted.”
(Luke 4:18 NKJV)

 And that my friend, apart from salvation, is our most precious gift.

Join Hannah and me next week.  Oh yes, my grandchildren, Hannah and Zach, are back from their vacation to Disney World, and Hannah is ready to continue our journey together.