In my post last week, Facts About Losses, I stated that children have many misconceptions about that little word, Loss.  In view of this, I listed several facts that adults could use in helping a child clear up misconceptions or wrong thinking he might have developed about any loss.

Today, we are going to begin taking a look at one of the first steps that is commonly associated with The Grieving Process – Numb.  My friend and mentor on The Grieving Process, the late Melba Berkheimer, defined numb as:

The state of shock immediately following a loss. The tranquilizer that helps you get through the initial onslaught.

Children are more apt to define its meaning through association or by drawing a picture of how it feels.

For example: When I asked my nine-year-old granddaughter, Hannah, to draw a picture of what she thought numb meant in regards to a loss, she immediately replied:  “Numb is when you don’t know what is going on, like I don’t know what to think!”  (Thus a big question mark plays on the mind, as she indicated in her illustration this week.)  Other children have described it as a feeling as though they were sleepwalking. Some have said they felt as though they were walking around in a fog.

No matter how we define numb or what we compare the feeling of numbness to, I think we can safely say that our feelings have disappeared or our feelings are gone, because we really don’t feel anything when we are numb.

The Bible tells the story about a man named Job who lost his family, servants, animals, and money in a short period of time.  When his friends came to visit him, they sat on the ground and no one spoke a word, including Job, for seven days and nights.  I’d say Job was numb, wouldn’t you?  (Job 2:13)

The question is:  “How can I help a child through this stage, or any stage of grief for that matter?”  As we begin our journey together of getting involved in helping a child in grief, we are going to learn many ways of supporting them; some that have been right at our finger tips all along, but just might possibly have been overlooked.

Today, let’s look at perhaps what could be considered the #1 way of supporting a grieving child:

L I S T E N !

Think back to the story of Job.  His friends at that point were not saying anything.  They were just there for him, without a word being spoken.  Can I tell you that in an effort to soothe the hurt, adults sometimes rush in too quickly and began talking.  They want to give advice, or offer up opinions when all the child really wants for the time being is to just share his story without passing judgment on him for what he says or how he feels.

How do I know this to be true? As the saying goes, I’ve been there, done that to my own children, only to discover later that I missed some important messages that they wanted to share while I was running my mouth.

Quite obviously, we shouldn’t expect children to tell much of their story when they are still numb. However, as Job’s friends did, just sitting in silence is listening and supporting. Not only that, it is building a trusting relationship with the child for when he does begin to talk.

And relationship, my friend, is what Jesus wants from all of us.  Think it not strange that He desires for us to build relationships with one another, especially children?

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Thanks for joining Hannah and me this week.  Next week we will continue the series we started today based on ways of Supporting a Grieving Child. In the meantime, in the comment section, answer this question: “Are you a good listener for the child in your life?” If not, begin by listing in the comments section what steps you need to take to become a better listener?