I having been writing the last few weeks on okay ways for children to pour out their feelings about a loss they have experienced and still have good behavior. As we have learned, all feelings are okay, but wrong behavior is never okay. From the example of Cain, who killed his brother Abel when he was so angry with him, we saw that there is a right way to pour out our feelings and a wrong way. It is up to the adult in the child’s world to guide and teach okay ways to express his feelings while exhibiting good behavior at the same time. (Genesis 4)

If you missed the previous posts, you can catch up by clicking onto: Expressing Feelings, Talk to Someone You Trust, Writing and Drawing, Puppet Show, and Music. It is through these ways that a child can be guided to express his feelings in the way that is best suited for him.

However, there is a step that should always be included in guiding a child through his feelings. It is within this step that his spirit, soul, and body can receive a special touch of healing.

I call this The Three in One Step:

Prayer, Scripture Memorization, Exercise

1. Prayer

When I think of prayer as it relates to a child, I first think of a time of togetherness when we, as caring adults, pray WITH him. Praying with him enables him to see that we value his feelings, his hurts, and we are talking the time to God about him.

Next I see prayer as a time when we encourage the child to pray for HIMSELF, as well as other hurting children. This is a perfect time to teach children that he can “talk to God” just like he does his best friend. And isn’t that what prayer is all about anyway? We, as adults, make it so hard by thinking we must have long drawn out theological prayers. Personally, I do my “best” praying by simply talking to God as though He were sitting right beside me, and of course, He really is. Why not instill that in a child at an early age, so that he will always feel comfortable praying.

2. Scripture Memorization

Sometimes, there are those negative feelings that seem to hang around and nag at us. Can you relate to this? Children are no different, and need yet another way to bring that feeling under control. What better way to help the child bring that feeling under control than scripture memorization. Help him select scriptures in the Bible pertaining to the negative feeling that he is having a hard time controlling. Stand by and watch as he repeats this scripture for a few days, and that negative feeling begins to subside.

For example:

• Anger: In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. (Ephesians 4:26)
• Fear: Fear not for I am with you. (Isaiah 41:10)
• Guilt: There is now no condemnation to those who belong to Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1) (See a full explanation of the guilt children sometimes have after a loss in my post entitled: True and False Guilt.)

3. Exercise

To point out how exercise can help a child process his feelings, I asked my daughter, Crystal, to shed a light on this. Crystal is the owner of yourfitnessdesigner. As a fitness designer and fitness coach, Crystal believes in being physically, mentally and spiritually fit.

In Crystal’s own words:

“If not mindful, we can let all of the day-to-day events and activities keep us so busy that we do not notice the stress and tension that can arise in us, as parents, and our kids. We have found that spending time together through exercise gives our family a break, an opportunity to forget about everything that has to be done and spend quality time together.

For example, just this week, after baseball practice and homework, we took the bikes out for a family ride. After a 20 minute ride and dinner on the back porch, here is what I noticed:

• A more relaxed environment and attitude by myself, husband, and kids.
• Laughter
• Openness to talk.   I have learned that both of my children will open up and talk more about their day, what is going on in their life and emotions through activity, as opposed to sitting them down to have a ‘serious’ conversation.”

And that concludes my series on “okay ways” for a child to pour out his feelings and maintain good behavior at the same time.

Join Hannah and me right here next week as we take a brief walk back through each of these steps in summary.