I having been writing the last few weeks on okay ways for children to pour out their feelings about a loss they have experienced and still have good behavior. As we have learned, all feelings are okay, but wrong behavior is never okay. From the example of Cain, who killed his brother Abel when he was so angry with him, we saw that there is a right way to pour out our feelings and a wrong way. It is up to the adult in the child’s world to guide and teach okay ways to express his feelings while exhibiting good behavior at the same time. (Genesis 4)
So, today, I want to summarize them all in one post. For more detail on each one, click onto the link provided. Before I get started, I want to give a big shout out to my granddaughter, Hannah, for illustrating each one.
As you can see from the illustration, Hannah refers to this as the “Help Zone.” The help zone list includes:
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Parents
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Professional Counselor
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School Guidance Counselor
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A Support Group
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Children’s Church Pastor
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Other Kids Who Have Experienced Losses
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Every child is not going to talk freely. Hannah is one of those “non talkers” when it comes to discussing the realities of life. The good news is Hannah loves to draw, as you can see from all the illustrations she has drawn for me this past year. She also loves to write, and has won the top award in creative writing at her school. In this post, Hannah told of the loss of her dog, Rudy, through writing and drawing out her grief.
When you were a child, did you secretly want to be an actor or actress? I know I did, and I did my best acting alone in my room. Often times, I would build a make-believe stage, and I literally became the star of my own show. For caring adults who lead a child through the grieving process of a loss, consider a puppet show to draw his feelings out of him.
As a caring adult, be on the look-out if a child plays the guitar, piano, or any other musical instrument. It could very well be that he/she is using it as a means of expressing his feelings. You might also encourage him to compose the words to his own song. Another way of using music to express feelings is through dancing. On the popular TV show Dancing with the Stars, the judges often remark to the contestants, “I could tell you were FEELING the words to the music while you were dancing.”
Prayer, Scripture Memorization, Exercise
This step should always be included in guiding a child through his feelings. It is within this step that his spirit, soul, and body can receive a special touch of healing. I call this The Three in One Step:
Prayer: When I think of prayer as it relates to a child, I first think of a time of togetherness when we, as caring adults, pray WITH him. Praying with him enables him to see that we value his feelings, his hurts, and we are taking the time to talk to God about him. Next I see prayer as a time when we encourage the child to pray for HIMSELF, as well as other hurting children. This is a perfect time to teach children that he can “talk to God” just like he does his best friend.
Scripture Memorization: As a caring adult, you can help the child select scriptures in the Bible pertaining to the negative feeling that he is having a hard time controlling. Stand by and watch as he repeats this scripture for a few days, and that negative feeling begins to subside.
Exercise: To point out how exercise can help a child process his feelings, I asked my daughter, Crystal, to shed a light on this. Crystal is the owner of yourfitnessdesigner. As a fitness designer and fitness coach, Crystal believes in being physically, mentally and spiritually fit.
In Crystal’s own words: “If not mindful, we can let all of the day-to-day events and activities keep us so busy that we do not notice the stress and tension that can arise in us, as parents, and our kids. We have found that spending time together through exercise gives our family a break, an opportunity to forget about everything that has to be done and spend quality time together.
And there you have it, my friend — okay ways to guide children to pour out and express their feelings and maintain good behavior at the same time.
Personally, I usually express my negative feelings in writing to get them balanced and in control again. However, there was a time recently that I knew it was not a time to write; it was a time to pray and quote scriptures pertaining to the anger inside of me. Then I went for a long walk.
My point is: How can we help children if we as caring adults are out of control with our emotions. So, I encourage you today to be honest with your own feelings in order to bring them under control.
Join Hannah and me right here next week.