Today, I continue my series answering questions children may have on specific losses. My purpose in writing about this is two-fold: (1) to bring awareness to the questions a child might ask so you will not be surprised and (2) to dispel misguided answers adults sometime make in answering questions about a child’s loss.

Included in this series will be questions on death, divorce, making a move, and the loss of a pet. Also included in this series will be tips for adults concerning bullying and self-esteem, which, unfortunately, kids may face on a daily basis. As you read my answers, consider using them as a guide with the child with whom you are comforting. It will also be a time to interject scriptures to enhance the child’s spiritual growth. Be sure to click onto the link provided should you miss any posts during this series.

Today, I will be listing questions children ask about making a move. Before you begin, let’s quickly review some important points to remember when answering a child’s questions about any loss.

1. It is best to always be honest rather than “sugar-coating” the answers in an effort to shield and protect him. The more clearly you answer his questions, the faster he will move forward in coping with his loss.
2. If you do not know the answer to a question he asks, it is okay to say, “I don’t know.” Giving him an answer you are not sure of will only add to his confusion.
3. Answer questions briefly; children aren’t looking for a long drawn out lecture.
4. Should you feel the need to ask the child a question, it is very important how you phrase the question. Children often respond the way they think adults want them to respond; therefore asking questions that require a “Yes” or “No” answer should be avoided.

So, let’s get started with common questions about moving.

1. Why do I have to move?
Obviously, the answer to this question will vary according to the family’s circumstances. Job transfers, divorce, death of a spouse, finances — all play a role in why a family makes a move. Whatever the reason for the move, try to explain as simply as you can why the move must occur. He still may not fully understand, but at least you are letting him know all his questions about the move are important.

2. What does the new place look like?
If the move involves moving out of town or state, try to take him to the place prior to the move if at all possible. This helps him feel more secure, and it may even get him excited about the move. If it is not feasible to visit the new place with him, check out books from the library, write the Chamber of Commerce, or help him search the internet for information about his new city.

3. Will I be able to take my dog?
The answer to this question obviously depends on the circumstances of the move. If you are moving to an apartment complex, some complexes will not allow pets. If for some other reason the pet cannot make the move with the family, make it a point to discuss options with the child about what to do with the pet so that he is comfortable with the place and people where his pet will be living.

4. Will I get to see my friends again?
Never give a child false hope that he will see his current friends in the near future. In reality, that may not be possible, so don’t give him a false hope just to make him feel good at the time. Honest is always the best policy. However, make sure the child realizes that his current friends will always have a special place in his heart, and can never be replaced. Point out to him also that he definitely will be making memories with his new friends in his next place of living.

An added note for adults to remember:

• Make the last few weeks before moving a fun time for your child with his friends. Have a party and get all their cell phone numbers, addresses, etc.
• Pay a visit to special people in the community, church, or school who has made an impact on his life.
• Be sure to take plenty of pictures of your house, his room, and favorite places in town.

And that my friends, are just a few of the questions children might ask about moving. It is a scary thing for a child when he has to suddenly leave his best friend, give up his position on the soccer team, and be the new kid in class.

My family made a move to another state when my two daughters were 11 and 15 due to a job transfer. Because they seemed to adapt socially, I was not aware that the move had such an impact on them until years later.

Looking back, I would have done more to help them, particularly in regards to putting their trust and faith in God to take care of them. I now see how the story of Abraham could have been used to teach a lesson in faith, no matter what the age.

Believe me I know it is hard for a child in our high tech world to visualize leaving town and moving to another state without having no internet service to send them an email or a cell phone to text message or call. It’s hard for a child in our day and time to visualize that scene even if they did not have to move.

But, point out to him that that is exactly what Abraham had to face when God called him to pack up and move to another country. “Leave your own country behind you, and your own people, and go to the land I will guide you to.” (Genesis 12:1 – TLB)

Even though Abraham did not have the technology we have today to help him adjust to his new move, he had a very special tool in his life to help him adjust to the new changes brought on by the move. That tool was faith in God.

Encourage the child to memorize Hebrews 11:1 and let his faith in God work during the move the same way it worked for Abraham.

Join Hannah and me right here next week as we answer questions children ask about the loss of a pet.