Do you know what the word Grieve really means? I know I didn’t for many years. Oh, I knew how Webster defined it, but the big picture behind it, I didn’t have a clue.

However, when my pastor and mentor, the late Melba Berkheimer, asked me to teach adult classes on The Grieving Process many years ago, something inside of me clicked and made me want to learn more about it. Thus, I began studying everything I could get my hands on from “the experts” in the field.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me, but actually, it was Jesus who introduced that word GRIEVE to us in The Sermon on the Mount. It was here on this mountain top that Jesus delivered what came to be known as The Beatitudes.

Oswald Cambers, author of, His Utmost for His Highest, said, “The Beatitudes that Jesus delivered that day are not a set of rules and regulations to live by, but they are a statement of the life we live when the Holy Spirit is getting His way with us. They literally explode when the circumstances of our lives cause them to do so.”

With that thought in mind, Matt. 5:4 is the beatitude that should have an explosive reaction in our lives after experiencing a loss and tells us what it means to grieve.

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

There are three key words in that verse that we need to clearly understand in order that we can allow them to activate and explode within us. Those words are: mourn, comfort, and bless.

Mourn is the same word as grieve, which means to feel or express sorrow.

Many people hide behind masks and suppress their feelings after experiencing a loss. Personally, I didn’t just suppress my feelings from others; I withheld them from God also. Why? I thought, “good Christians shouldn’t be feeling the way I was feeling. I figured if I didn’t voice it, God wouldn’t know!” Isn’t that a laugh!

In Psalm 142:2. David says: “I poured out my complaints before the Lord; I showed before Him my troubles.” What we see David doing in so many of the Psalms is letting his feelings flow freely concerning events occurring in his life. As the saying goes, “he let them all hang out.”

May I hasten to say that, along with expressing every feeling, we do have to learn how to control our actions. Hang with me; we will get to that another time. For right now, concentrate on the thought: “It is Okay to pour out your feelings about your loss, and the devastating effects the loss has had on your life.”

Comfort means to console, to strengthen.

Our natural tendency is to scream out, “Get me out of this situation, and get me out quick!” In other words, we want a “quick fix”. Quick fixes are like putting a band-aid on a major bleeding wound. May I gently say to you, “there are no quick fixes.”

As we express our feelings about our loss, God will seize the opportunity for his comfort to literally explode within us through reading His Word or sometimes through special people in our path.

One of the most touching moments of God’s comfort I have ever witnessed was the night Brenda walked into the grieving class I was teaching right after the death of her husband. She told the story of how they had been married twenty years, had divorced for 3 years, and then remarried. Six months later, he became ill and within a year, he died.

Devastated, Brenda was searching for answers. “Why did God put our marriage back together and then let my husband die? I don’t understand, tell me why this has happened to me?”

I sat in silence unable to find any comforting words for Brenda. However, Judy told the heartbreaking story of the night she went home from church and discovered that her 15 year-old-son had committed suicide. From that point on, Judy spoke not only of the pain she had experienced from this horrible nightmare, but also of the ways God had brought comfort to her during those times when she felt she couldn’t make another day.

When Judy stopped talking, Brenda looked at her and said: “I can’t imagine losing a child. I know I am going to make it now after hearing your story. Thank you for the comfort and support you have given me tonight.”

Bless is the receiving of something good; bringing joy.

Perhaps, you might be thinking: “I now understand that it’s o.k. to express my feelings and even protest the loss with all its devastating effects. But I don’t understand “how in the world I can receive something good from what I’ve been through? No way it will ever bring me joy!”

Read the following story of a dear friend of mine to see how this concept unfolds.

Carol had been diagnosed with an eye disease as a child. By the time she was 38 years of age, her vision had become impaired to the point that she could no longer drive a car and care for the needs of her family the way she once had. Neither was she able to continue her graduate studies to pursue her dream of becoming a certified counselor. She became depressed and angry, even angry toward God. “Why has this happened to me? Why aren’t you doing something to help me,” she would often scream out at God.

Finally one day, she heard the Holy Spirit ever so gently speak to her: “if you will take your eyes off your problem, and put your eyes on me, I will walk you through this situation.”

Carol knew that “putting her eyes on God” meant reading His Word. “How do you think I can read your Word, I can’t see,” she protested to God. Still the nudging to “put her eyes on God” persisted. So, using a large print Bible and a magnifying glass, Carol began reading. Little by little, an emotional and spiritual healing began to take place in her life through God’s Word.

Today, God is using the loss that was meant to destroy Carol to help others. Not only does Carol teach adult Sunday School classes, but her dream of counseling has come true. On a weekly basis, using her home as her office, she counsels those who are going through hurts and losses in their lives. And can I say, she is filled with joy!

To briefly summarize, grief might look something like this:

It begins with the question “Why did this happen to me ” and eventually move on to:
• How can I learn through this experience?
• How can I go on with my life?
• How can I accept the loss?
• How can I help someone else going through a loss?

My friends, I have to believe that if adults could grab hold of what it really means to grieve, not only would we be able to cope with losses in our own lives, but we would be better equipped to help hurting children during a time of loss in their lives.

I hope you will stay with me in the following weeks as I take you through the most common steps associated with grieving: Numbness, Denial, Emotions, Forgiveness, Acceptance.