Today, we are going to begin taking a look at the first step that is commonly associated with The Grieving Process – Numb. In last week’s post, I noted that the steps in The Grieving Process come in no particular order, but I have to believe that we can safely say that to enter into numbness is most likely the very first step experienced by most people.
My friend and mentor on The Grieving Process, the late Melba Berkheimer, describes numb as:
The state of shock immediately following a loss.
It is natures’ temporary tranquilizer that God puts you in that helps
you get through the initial on-slaught of a situation.
For example
Jennifer came home from work one day and discovered a note on the front door of her house. “The locks have been changed, and you no longer live here. Our 20-year old marriage has ended.”
Can you see how the description of numbness would fit well into the case of Jennifer when she discovered the note on her front door? Jennifer told her support group that she was, indeed, in a state of numbness. But, the numbness enabled her to begin making temporary “housing arrangements.”
Another example many of us have already experienced is the death of a loved one. Family members are put into a position where funeral arrangements must be made immediately. Most just go through the motions and later wonder how they were ever able to take care of the business.
Children are more apt to define its meaning through association or by drawing a picture of how it feels.
For example: When I asked my 10-year-old granddaughter, Hannah, to draw a picture of what she thought numb meant in regards to a loss, she immediately replied: “Numb is when you don’t know what is going on, like I don’t know what to think!” (Thus a big question mark plays on the mind, as she indicated in her illustration this week.) Other children have described it as a feeling as though they were sleepwalking. Some have said they felt as though they were walking around in a fog.
No matter how we define numb or what we compare the feeling of numbness to, I think we can safely say that our feelings have disappeared or our feelings are gone, because we really don’t feel anything when we are numb.
The Bible tells the story about a man named Job who lost his family, servants, animals, and money in a short period of time. When his friends came to visit him, they sat on the ground and no one spoke a word, including Job, for seven days and nights. I’d say Job was numb, wouldn’t you? (Job 2:13)
Perhaps you, too, may remember a time in your life when a sudden loss put you into a state of shock. You probably have looked back and wondered, “How did I do it?” It was because of God’s “little tranquilizer” that helped you get through the initial phase of your loss in the beginning.
Join Hannah and me next week when we step into the step we musy embrace after the numbness wears off – Denial.