Last week, I began climbing up the Steps of The Grieving Process with you. We began with the first step, Numbness: the stage of shock immediately following a loss. It can be described as nature’s temporary tranquilizer, a sudden daze that God puts you in that helps you get through the initial onslaught of any situation.

Today we are going to climb to the second step called Denial. Keep in mind that the steps in grieving come in no particular order, but I dare say that before we progress to the real work of the healing process, we must first walk through numbness and denial.

Let’s begin by defining denial.

 

“Denial is a defense mechanism, which is demonstrated by an inability or unwillingness to recognize one’s problems.”

You might say we close our ears to our problems, just as Hannah’s illustration implies.

Let’s go back to our days in Sunday School and pay a visit to two familiar stories and their main characters.

Jonah: “Jonah, go to Nineveh and preach to the wicked Ninevites,” the Lord spoke to Jonah. Instead, Jonah boarded a ship headed to the far corners of the world. Once on board, he secluded himself down in the deep hold of the ship and went to sleep. As the ship sailed out into the sea, a severe storm came up and the ship was in danger of being shipwrecked. At Jonah’s suggestion, the sailors threw Jonah overboard into the raging sea where he was swallowed up by a whale. In the belly of the whale, once again, God spoke to Jonah: “Go back to Nineveh!” (Jonah: Chapters, 1-2)

Hagar: Having not conceived a child in her old age, Sara gave Abraham permission to sleep with her maid, Hagar. When Hagar conceived, Sara despised her and dealt harshly with her. Hagar fled to the wilderness. The angel of the Lord found her and said “Return to your mistress and submit to her hand!” (Gen. 16:1-9)

What do these 2 stories have in common? Jonah and Hagar were running away from what they didn’t want to face!

Think about it!! Do you suppose if Jonah had not stopped running that he would have had to spend the rest of his life in the belly of the whale? Do you suppose if Hagar had not returned to Sara that she would have died in the wilderness? It didn’t appear that life on the run had much to offer Jonah and Hagar.

The same is true with us. “A life on the run” can put us in some stinking and desolate places.

Let’s have a little fun and take a picturesque view at ways we run from our problems.

‘The Blame Game’ People

• If it had not been for my wife, we wouldn’t be going through a divorce.
• It’s Tom’s fault I did not get the promotion.
• God, you could have done something about this situation. Where were you when I needed you?

Blaming is the oldest game in the book. Adam blamed Eve for his sin, and even blamed God for giving him the woman. Eve blamed the serpent. (Genesis 3:12-14)

As long as we blame others, we don’t have to take responsibility for our own actions, and cannot move forward.

The Person with the Many Hats

• Are you busy from the moment you get up in the morning “doing for the family,” such as taking your kids to baseball practice, dancing lessons, etc.
• Are you busy trying to accomplish certain goals in life? There is a big difference in setting goals and working hard to hard to accomplish them, than putting that goal ahead of taking care of the most important thing — your inner self.
• Do you spend more time helping other people solve their problems that you don’t have time to solve your own?

Jesus arrived at Mary and Martha’s house for a visit. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet listening to Him, but Martha was busy with much serving. So, Martha came to Jesus and said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone; make her help me.”

But Jesus said: “Martha, Martha you are worried and troubled about so many things, but one thing is needful. Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

Sometimes, we have to slow down, so we can arrive.

‘The Grass is Greener on the Other Side’ People             

So often we think that the grass is greener on the other side, so we physically remove ourselves from the problem and move over to the other side. We are constantly hopping from one job to another. Some hop from one romance to another for greener pastures.

Unresolved problems that are not solved in one situation will show up on the other side.

‘The Great Escape’ People

• Many people flee from life’s problems by using the numbing effects of alcohol or drugs.
• There are others who wouldn’t dare use alcohol or drugs to escape their problems but have been known to become workaholics, shopaholics, TV-aholics.
• Some people literally retreat into the darkness behind closed doors and withdraw from the world around them.

The truth of the matter is that there is most likely a deeper problem beneath the alcohol, drugs, working, and closed doors that needs to be faced.

‘The Slow Turtle’ People

Do you have a tendency to be slow in dealing with issues that are facing you in life?   King Solomon said, “ He that observeth the wind shall not sow, and he that is waiting for good weather shall not reap.” (Ecc. 11:4)

God wants us to have now faith. Face issues, don’t put them off.

In his sermon entitled, “It’s Time to Stop Running,” my pastor, the late David Berkheimer described the situation a person faces in a life on the run.

• Before you can go forward, you have to go back to the place you ran from, or you will be running the rest of your life.
• You never progress until you conquer. Confront the problem, not run from it.
• Only facing truth sets us free.

Desire truth in the inward parts. In the hidden part thou shalt make me to know truth.
(Psalm 51:6)

Join Hannah and me next week as we discuss reasons Why We Run From Our Problems. This could be the key to help you come out of Denial and move forward.