A couple of weeks ago, I began a series on Emotions, the “bulk” of The Grieving Process. Thus far, we discovered that emotions are God-given, consisting of both positive and negative feelings. They do not have to be explained, justified, or apologized for; however, what you do with those negative feelings could affect you for the rest of your life.

Last week, I stated that there are many negative feelings, but they all can be classified under three categories: anger, guilt, depression. I also noted that during grieving, most likely, you will experience all three, but at some point in the process, one will probably dominate because it has become a stronghold in our lives. A stronghold can be defined as an area of our life that is out of control and is destructive. If you took the tests that were provided, you discovered your most common negative response.

Today, it is time to find out where the door might have been left open for the negative response to take root. In order to find the root, we must look at our past influences and experiences from birth to adulthood to see how and when a door was opened for an emotional stronghold to begin. This is a very pivotal step in the healing process. It can pave the way, not only to the healing of a past hurt, but also to the management of an emotional response as well.

To those people who might be grieving through the death of a loved one, you may question the reason for looking back at past influences. “Why are you asking me to look into my past?” My past has nothing to do with the loss of the special person in my life!”

Please bear with me while I share with you an example from my own life.

My dad died when I was 25 years old. I had had a good relationship with him, but I spent months overcome with guilt, berating myself as to why “I had not told him more often that I loved him”; “Why I hadn’t done this, or why I hadn’t done that.” Yes, guilt was a part of the normal grieving process, but “my guilt trip” went beyond the normal stage of grieving.

Coupled with that, I thought it was now my duty to make sure that my mother was happy. After all, Daddy was gone, so I should be the one to give her joy and happiness. If I didn’t see instant results, the guilt adrenaline began to flow. I became a prisoner to guilt.

Little by little, with the help of good sound teaching and the Holy Spirit, I began to realize that my journey with guilt had begun in my childhood many years prior to my Dad’s death. It had spread into all areas of my life like an infectious disease, and in the process, I hurt innocent people by making decisions based on a guilt complex.

There is another reason why I take a personal interest in you looking into your past to identify the root of your emotional response. I have been the recipient of a misguided target of anger from someone.

Let me explain what I mean by misguided target.

In the United States’ missile bombings in Afghanistan a few years ago, The Red Cross Building was hit. Upon investigation, it was discovered that someone had entered one digit wrong in the computer of the intended enemy target. As a result the intended enemy target was missed, and innocent people got hit instead.

Likewise, many people going through a situation will “overly” respond to it out of a past wound that has not been healed from their past. Meanwhile, innocent people around them will receive bombshells of their anger, guilt, or depression.

So, I have been on both sides of the fence:
• I hurt innocent people by making decisions based on a guilt complex
• I have been the recipient of a misguided target of anger from someone

Are you now getting the picture as to why it is helpful for you to look into your past influences to see where you might have opened the door for a negative emotion to come in?

When you get a glimpse of some of the major experimental influences that have affected your life, a whole new world of freedom awaits you. Not only will it be an opportunity for a past hurt to be healed, but also the healing and management of an emotional response to your current and future circumstances.

Of all the influences we will ever encounter, most educators believe that nothing affects us as strongly as our parents. Psychologists have discovered that 85% of our behavior, attitudes, and emotional responses are established by the age of 5-6 by watching our parents. These behaviors, good or bad, are often carried into adulthood.

There are exceptions to the parental influence and it is these influences that also weigh heavily on our response to life. Therefore, in the next four weeks, we will take a look at what could be the 4 major influences that determine how we respond to life.

Take a close look at the illustration Hannah has so beautifully illustrated that we will be covering.

Ground Rules

Before we start looking into these 4 major influences, I think it is important to establish a few ground rules to follow in targeting the root.

• Do not look at these influences to blame others for your responses.
• Do not strain your memory to “dig up” negatives influences on your life. The Holy Spirit knows when and what to bring to your memory. He knows when you are ready to receive and deal with situations in your past.
• Be aware of false memory. Satan likes nothing more than to suggest those things that are not true. Desire truth in your inner most parts as The Holy Spirit directs, not what Satan would suggest through your mind or even at the suggestion of others.
• Release yourself of all feelings of guilt, betrayal, and disloyalty. Taking an objective look, not to blame but to be objective, is not being disloyal.

Challenge: Proverbs 11:9. “Through knowledge, the just shall be delivered.”

Knowledge becomes the difference between victory and defeat
as we deal with hurts and losses in our lives.

That is the real reason we look into our past.
To win a victory in freedom, not only for ourselves, but for future generations.

With those points in mind, next week, Hannah and I would like to take you on a stroll back to the time you were born and take a look at the first people you encountered when you entered the world—your parents.