I am currently writing a series on Forgiveness by taking a journey around The Cross to see the full process of what forgiveness entails.

Last week, we made a stop at Forgiving Others. Colossians 3:13 says: “Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

This scripture paints the picture of what we should do for those who have offended us — what Christ has done for us, “Pass It On.” I outlined 4 reasons why we should Pass On Forgiveness to others. If you missed it, you may view them here.

Personally, I went for many years refusing to pass on to others what Christ had done for me. You see, I had my own ideas about what forgiving others meant. Most of the ideas did not have any biblical basis to them, but they had become stumbling blocks that kept me from forgiving others, thereby literally causing me to being tormented within.

So, today I want to begin with Part I of listing misconceptions and hang-ups I had as well as ones I have heard other people acknowledge over the years. If you see yourself in any of these, why not throw them in the garbage can, as Hannah has illustrated, and begin to live in freedom.

1. Forgiveness is a choice; an act of the will; NOT an emotion.

Would you agree with me if I said, “If we went by our feelings, most mornings, we wouldn’t get out of bed.” But, we make the choice anyway, don’t we?

That is the same way it is with forgiveness. We may say, “I don’t feel like forgiving the one who has hurt me so badly.”

Come with me to the Garden of Gethsemane on the night of Jesus’ betrayal by Judas. Knowing it wasn’t long before He would be arrested by the Roman soldiers, He went to the garden to pray. When He arrived, He fell on his face, crying out, “My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. You, what do you want?” (Matthew 26:32 – Message)

When the Roman soldiers came for Him, one of the disciples cut off the ear of the servant of the high priest to try and prevent them from taking Jesus.

But Jesus said, “Put your sword back where it belongs. All who use swords are destroyed by swords. Don’t you realize that I am able right now to call to my Father, and twelve companies—more, if I want them—of fighting angels would be here, battle-ready? But if I did that, how would the Scriptures come true that say this is the way it has to be?” (Matthew 26:53)

Think about this: the decision Jesus made to walk the path that led to our forgiveness was made by His choice, not His feelings. Clearly His feelings were not wanting to do what He knew was ahead of Him, but He made the choice anyway in order to pave the way for our forgiveness.

2. “They are not sorry they hurt me, why should I forgive?”

Certainly there are many times in our life that we may feel “they should be sorry they did this to me.” Let me break it to you gently; some people are never going to apologize.

• Some are going to continue in their destructive life style.
• Some will be stubborn and self-righteous and never confess they were wrong.
• Some will move away; you’ll never be able to speak with them again.
• Some will die before they confess and repent.

However, scriptures point to those who forgave without any conditions being set upon their perpetrators.

Stephen is about to be martyred for his testimony of Jesus Christ. Just before he was stoned, he delivered a 52-verse testimony that proclaimed Jesus Christ as Lord. Yet, perhaps the most astounding words of all to those watching were: “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.” (Acts 7:59-60)

In II timothy 4:9-17, Paul is recording his own personal circumstances of those who had turned against him during his ministry. He writes, Demas has forsaken me, Alexander the coppersmith did me much evil, all men forsook me. But Paul concludes by praying, “I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge.”

The supreme act of forgiveness prior to seeing man’s repentance was Jesus. As he was hanging on the cross and the crowd was shouting, “Crucify Him, crucify Him.” He prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

Stephen, Paul, and Jesus placed no conditions on their offenders before forgiving them. By waiting for others to show remorse or agree that they have offended us, could cause us to waste a lifetime.

3. Forgiveness does not always mean there will be Reconciliation.

Sometimes people think they have to get back into the relationship and be reconciled when they forgive. This is not true for at least 2 reasons.

A. One reason it may not be possible for reconciliation to occur is because reconciliation is a two-way street and both parties must be willing to reconcile.

A good example of this is in cases of separation with a pending divorce. One partner may be willing to work out their differences; but the other spouse refuses to reconcile on any conditions; thus making it a one-way street. However, forgiveness can still be passed on to the spouse, even though he/she does not desire to be reconciled.

Isn’t that the way our relationship with God was re-established? God has already forgiven us; it’s the reconciliation part that needs to take place. It’s our coming back to reconcile with Him and be in relationship with Him.

Therefore, we have to forgive others, but reconciliation is a two-way street. They, too, must be willing just as we must be willing to reconcile with God.

B. The second reason reconciliation may not be possible are the elements that make up a relationship. For a relationship to be whole, it must consist of:

• Honor toward one another
• Serve one another
• Respect for each other
• Trust must be established

If any of these elements are missing, then the relationship has been broken, and REPENTANCE should take place before the relationship is reconciled. Repentance means CHANGE!

Dan Allendar, author of Bold Love, says that reconciliation is never meant to be cheap grace. We must give people mercy and forgive them, but it must be joined with a repentant heart that changes before complete reconciliation takes place.

The question, is “How do you know when repentance, a change, takes place?” II Cor. 7:10 says: “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”

The by-products of sorrow unto life are a greater passion to make wrongs right and a passion for good. These are the fruits of repentance.

Isn’t that the way we had friendship again with Christ? He forgave, but before reconciliation took place, we had to make a change!

Repentance takes one, forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two.

4. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.

The mind is not like a computer in that we can push a key and delete everything in it. Some people are raped, abandoned, beaten, abused, cheated on, or betrayed. No, indeed, you can’t forget that.

The Key to remember: “When things have hurt us and we forgive, a healing takes place on the inside. We then remember it historically, we remember it as facts, but the emotional part of the hurt, the sting of the hurt is gone because we have released the person, and Jesus has cleansed and healed our wound.”

5. “They don’t deserve to be forgiven after the way they treated me!”

Oh yes, I am guilty of saying that, how about you? Take a look in Ephesians 2:3 how Paul describes us. “By nature we are as children of wrath.”

But God, while we were All children of wrath, sent His son, Jesus, to become the propitiation for us. Propitiation means that God’s wrath for sinful man was satisfied when He poured it out on his son, Jesus. At that time, He removed His wrath from us, and we are deeply loved! (1 John 4:9)

What conclusion can I draw from that? We didn’t deserve to be forgiven either, but because of His love and mercy, God removed His wrath from us while we were yet sinners through the shed blood of His son Jesus.

I once heard it said, “No one can hurt me like my sins hurt Jesus.”

Have any of these been stumbling blocks for you to pass on forgiveness to others? If so, which one?

Join Hannah and me next week for Part 2 of more misconceptions that I hope we can dispel. In the meantime, please ask any question you might have. I will do my best to research the answer for you.