“Give me my inheritance,” the son demanded. And with that the father gave him his inheritance and the son left home and went into a faraway land. It was there that he spent all he had, and was left in a destitute situation. When at last the son came to himself, he decided to go back home to his father and ask him if he could be just a hired laborer in his fields.

The father saw him coming, ran out to meet him, and shouted to his other servants: “Bring out the best robe, and put it on him; put a ring on his hand, shoes on his feet: kill the fatted calf and let’s eat and be merry. My son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is now found.” (Luke 15:11-24)

What are the words and actions of the father saying in this famous parable?

“I don’t care what you did while you were away from me!
I’m just glad you are home.
I restore you to full sonship privileges,
not a hired hand in my fields.”

And that’s how the Father sees us when we come back home to Him and back into fellowship with him.

However, many people have difficulty receiving God’s forgiveness. They regret decisions they have made in the past, and are plagued with guilt, shame, condemnation, and feelings of unworthiness even after they have asked Jesus to forgive them. It’s almost as if they are branding themselves for life-FAILURE. They are not seeing themselves the way God sees them – cleansed, pure, accepted, loved, significant.

I’ve heard it said many times that God is more interested in our future than in our past. Why? It is the future where we are to fulfill the same commission He gave to Peter in John 21:16: “feed my sheep.”

It is interesting to note that Jesus gave these instructions to Peter after he had denied him three times. He did not chastise Peter for denying him. Instead, He stressed to him “if you truly love me, you will “feed my sheep!” Obviously He didn’t want Peter to live in shame; He wanted him to rise above it because He still had a work for him to do. In essence: “I forgave you; now put it behind you and go forward.”

In his book, The Gift of Forgiveness, Charles Stanley says that our resistance to forgiving ourselves can be traced to one of four general problems.

1. Belief in Performance-Based Forgiveness: This is saying, “I must earn my forgiveness.”
2. Disappointment in Self: Some people believe they failed in their own expectations of themselves so God must also be disappointed.
3. Surrendered to Guilt: Sometimes we live so long under guilt that the idea of being free is scary and threatening. We feel more comfortable staying where we are because we have already adjusted to it.
4. Expectation of Repeated Sin: Sometimes we may realize that God has forgiven us, but the reason we don’t forgive ourselves is that we are afraid of repeating that same sin again.

I want to add my own opinion as another possibility some may have in not being able to forgive themselves and that is: The Relationship One Has or Had With Their Earthly Father.

I can honestly say that I have never experienced not being able to forgive myself, and I truly believe it has a lot to do with the relationship I had with my daddy growing up. Back in the “old days,” kids were given guidelines to live by. The guidelines could safely be entitled: “As long as you live in this house, you will do what I say!” (Not a bad idea)

When I broke one of the guidelines, daddy would discipline me, not harshly, but within reason. When the discipline was over, the event was never mentioned again; it was over and done with.

In between times of my stretching my limits on the guidelines, daddy would tell me how proud he was of me, and we shared many pranks and laughs together. (Oh yes, I believe God has a sense of humor, too. He and I share many laughs alone together.)

Many Christian psychologists say: “As you see your earthly father, so shall you see God.”

I have come to believe that statement is true, not only from my own experience, but in listening to stories from women and men in prison. I lead Bible studies in a federal prison in Texas for several years. It was not uncommon to hear the inmates say: “My dad stood over me with a whip just waiting to lower the boom on me when I did something wrong. That is the way God is, too; He is out to get you!”

Can you relate to any of the above reasons for not passing on forgiveness to yourself? If so, what can you do to break out of this pattern? I offer a few guidelines:

1. Make a List of Things For Which You Have Not Forgiven Yourself
2. Meditate on Bible Verses Daily Confirming Your Forgiveness

➣1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness
➣Romans 8:1: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
➣Psalm 103:12: He has removed our sins as far away from us as the east is from the west.
➣Isaiah 43:25: I, yes, I alone am he who blots away your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again.

3. Forget Those Things Which are Behind

➣In Philippians 3:13-14, Paul says: Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

➣Paul is urging those who live with these daily reminders of their past to “forget those things which are behind and press toward what is ahead.” Forgetting does not mean the inability to remember. It means to no longer be influenced or affected by something.

4. Choose to Live in Freedom

Forgiving yourself is a choice, not a feeling, just the same as it is a choice to forgive others.

My friends, sometimes we need to give ourselves a gift, as Hannah has so beautifully illustrated. I encourage you today, let this gift be the gift of forgiving yourself. After all, Jesus has already given it to you.

As I once heard it said:

Don’t Kill Today With Yesterday!

Join me next week when my guest will be author and speaker, Dineen Miller. She will take us further into a study of The Restoration of Peter after his denial of Jesus. You don’t want to miss this.