“Ask them to forgive me?” “But, I haven’t done anything to hurt them; they are just wearing their feelings on their shoulders.”
Would you stop to consider with me that there is a possibility that, just as others hurt us, we also hurt others? It would serve us all well to ask ourselves the question:
“Do I see the existing and the potential destruction of sin in my own life?”
Many of us can say that we’ve never physically or sexually abused anyone, never had an affair, or committed a murder. But, the truth of the matter is, we are capable of it because the seeds of the cancer of sin are still within us even after salvation.
Paul describes the turmoil that the sin within us can generate in Romans 7:19-21: For the good that I wish, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not wish: but, if I am doing the very thing I do not wish, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wishes to do good.
Paul is not implying that sin is stronger than the power of the Holy Spirit within us; he is making the point that it still exists and exerts a strong downward pull on us. Believers can resist and overcome the power of sin through Christ, but there is a battle to be fought.
The story of David and his adulterous affair with Bathsheba gives us a striking example of this concept, and a good example to show how we can hurt others.
Bathsheba became pregnant as a result of the affair, and David then had her husband killed so he could marry her. The baby was born, and David went on with his life as if nothing had happened.
God sent Nathan, the prophet, to confront David. Nathan used an illustration of two men who owned sheep: One was very rich, owning many sheep; the other was poor, owning nothing but one little lamb. When a guest came to the rich man’s home, instead of killing a lamb from his own flocks for food, he stole the poor man’s one lamb and killed it to feed his guest.
Outraged at this situation, David responded: “Any man who would do something like that should be put to death; he shall repay four lambs to the poor man for the one he stole, for having no pity.” Nathan replied, “David, you are the man.”
David had quickly seen the speck in another’s life, but had failed to recognize the log in his own. (Matthew 7:3) (2 Samuel 11)
Sometimes we knowingly and deliberately have wronged and hurt other people. Other times, we unconsciously hurt others because of unresolved hurts in our own lives. It has been said that hurting people hurt other people.
However, it is clear from Matthew 5:23-24: “So, if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that a friend has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” (TLB)
Therefore, regardless of how and when we have hurt others, we need to make amends.
Perhaps you can use the following steps to guide you through the process.
- Ask the Holy Spirit to Show You Those You Have Hurt
Make a list of them and then confess your sin to God and ask His forgiveness. (1 John 1:9)
- Confess to a Prayer Partner
James 5:16 says: Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another that you may be healed. There is something about unveiling our faults to another person that humbles us. However, discretion must be used as to whom you confess and to what you confess.
- Confess to the person That You Have Offended if They Know of the Offense and Ask Their Forgiveness
Making sure that the other person knows of the offense is vital before you start asking their forgiveness. For example: Charles Stanley tells the story of a young man who asked a woman to forgive him for lusting after her. It proved to be quite an embarrassing situation.
If you know someone has something against you, do not wait for that person to come to you for forgiveness. Go to him and ask his forgiveness whether he comes to you or not.
What if the person you have offended rejects your efforts to make amends? Leave them in God’s hands. You are not responsible for someone else’s actions, only yours. Rest in the fact that you have done your part to put the past behind you.
My friends, if you are like me, saying “I’m sorry” is not fun! Most of us like to be the recipient of a heartfelt apology, rather than giving one.
But, I have come to realize that perhaps apologies aren’t supposed to be easy. Is physical therapy easy? No, but it rehabilitates the body from injury. Likewise, asking forgiveness of someone we have hurt rehabilitates the soul. It requires taking the blinders off our own eyes and facing our flaws. After all, nobody is perfect.
Join me in doing what my granddaughter, Hannah, has so beautifully illustrated. She says that this is her favorite drawing of all time.
