Steps in The Grieving Process Review

Posted on by January 1, 2015avatar
1

Grieving StepsBefore taking a break for Thanksgiving and Christmas, my posts had been listing all the many different types of losses we might incur on The Highway of Life. I concluded that series with the ways How All Losses Are Related.

All Losses Must Be Grieved, is crucial to our healing and perhaps the main way all losses are related. Herein lies our Number #1 problem — “Not Knowing How to Grieve.” As a result, loss after loss begins to be packed into our life. Ultimately, we get to the point that we are carrying around so much excess baggage that the load becomes too difficult to manage.

As the saying goes: “I’ve been there, done that.” I don’t ever want to go back to that place of feeling hopeless and overwhelmed by the circumstances of life. I will say, however, that out of losses in my life and the healing God has brought about, it has given me a passion to pass onto others things I have learned through the study of grief. Out of my studies and experience, I wrote a study guide for adults and taught it for over 10 years at my local church, as well as publishing my book, Helping Hurting Children: A Journey of Healing. (See sidebar)

Today, I want to briefly introduce you to the steps most often associated with the process of grieving through a loss.  As time goes on, I will be covering each step in detail.

Step 1. Numb: The state of shock immediately following a loss. You might say it works like a tranquilizer that helps you get through the initial onslaught.

Step 2. Denial: Once the numbness wears off, the pain sets in. In an effort to avoid pain,
we often use defense mechanism to block pain.

Step 3. Bargaining: Simply put, we often try to cut a deal with God to get us out of a
situation quickly, rather than walking through the pain associated with
the loss and feeling His comfort.

Step 4. Emotions: Reactions to life’s circumstances.

Step 5. Forgiveness: The act of releasing others and yourself from hurts in your life.

Step 6. Acceptance: Acceptance does not mean approval; it means accepting life at a new
place and begin the process of moving forward.

Step 7. ?? There’s one additional step in The Grieving Process. This step can’t be taught, but it is vital to our healing. Webster defines this step as salty fluid that flows from the eyes. There will be times when words can’t express the ache of your heart. It is then that these tiny salty balls of fluid will flow from the deepest part of your soul, bringing with them all your painful emotions and yes, even joy that is indescribable.

I’m sure you have guessed what this step is by now. Yes, it is tears—they have a job to do! Let
them flow!

May I quickly point out that there is no systematic order in which an individual goes through these seven steps. But, at some point in time, all of these steps will need to be covered before a person can go on with life in a healthy way after a loss.

You may “bounce” in an out of a step several times before coming to grips with that particular phase of the process. Do not be discouraged when that happens; remember that healing is a process, and time is your ally. However, contrary to the old saying that time heals all wounds, Dr. Phil McGraw says it this way: “Time does not heal, it’s what we do with time that heals.”

Think of the time and attention that a farmer gives to seeds that he plants in his field. His care and attention is what causes the seeds to grow and come to harvest. If left alone, they would not produce.

CHALLENGE: Matthew 4:16 — “The people which sat in darkness saw great light and to them which sat in the region and shadow of death, light is sprung up.”

This scripture is in reference to the one that Isaiah foretold that Jesus would come one day and dwell in Capernaum and he said there would be Gentiles who would be sitting in darkness and that they would see great light. That light was Jesus. (Isaiah 9:1) We know today that that is exactly what happened. Jesus was in Capernaum during his earthly ministry and those who were sitting in darkness saw this great light.

Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He wants to bring light into those dark situations in your life.

DO NOT SIT IN DARKNESS ANY LONGER!
BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY INTO THE LIGHT!

I will be teaching on each of these steps in the following weeks.  Hannah and I are looking forward to traveling this journey with you.

Join us next week as we begin with Numbness after a loss.

Hope for 2015

Posted on by December 30, 2014avatar
2
Hope Frierson

Allow me to introduce my granddaughter, Hope Isabelle Frierson, born December 3rd, 2014, weighing in at 8 lbs. 13 ounces.

Tears, excitement, and even a stunned silence greeted Hope outside the nursery window when her dad, Hoit, presented her to her new family members. No doubt you will agree with me that there is something about babies that can melt the coldest of hearts and even bring laughter to those in pain. Oh yes, God knew what He was doing when He created babies.

Hoit and Hope

Hoit & Hope

As most grandmothers, I was elated with the birth of my fourth grandchild; I now have three girls and one boy. Naturally, I love all four of them dearly, but I have to tell you that this fourth baby stirred something inside of me even before she was born. Let me explain.

Hope’s mom, Heather, called me about a month before she was born and said: “We now have a name for the baby; it will be Hope.” Immediately, I could literally feel something leap up inside of me. It made me think of Elizabeth when she heard the voice of Mary coming to tell her of her impending virgin birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ (Luke 1:41)

It was one of those moments when you gasp for breath and you feel as though God is standing right there beside you saying, “Take notice; I have something I want to tell you.”

And, in the coming weeks, He did just that as He brought my faith to a new level with – yes, you guessed it, “HOPE”, a feeling of expectation and desire for certain things to happen.

I don’t know about you, but I confess that there are times I get discouraged along this journey through life. So much so, that I sometimes send out a distress signal toward heaven: “Are you still there, God?”

Did you ever notice that our distress calls are often met with silence, which makes it seem as though, yes, I will go ahead and say it: “God doesn’t really care about me. If He did, He’d fulfill His promises to me, and He’d dry all these tears from my eyes.” It is at this point that the pit of discouragement gets darker.

It’s as though He allows us to wallow around in self-pity awhile, and then one day, quiet unexpectedly, He shows up as He did with me the day I received the phone call telling me what my grandbaby’s name would be. Hope leaped up inside of me again and I was filled with a renewed feeling of expectation and desire for certain things that I have prayed for years to happen in the coming months.

In times like these, I am reminded of the journey Abraham took with God for 25 years while waiting for his promised son, Isaac, to be born. I have to believe that Abraham got discouraged and lost hope during the long wait. In fact I am sure it must have been a loss of hope that caused him to commit adultery in order to help God out with His promise of a son. After all, Abraham was a man of faith, right?

But the Bible points to times during this 25 year period that God would show up at different times and renew His covenant with Abraham. I personally believe it was to give him a renewed feeling of hope, along with a high-five proclaiming; “don’t give up; keep on keeping on.” And, as we all know, at the appointed time, Isaac was born and God’s promise to Abraham was fulfilled.

And so to you, my readers, may I encourage you to have a renewed feeling of hope and expectancy for a move of God in your life during the year 2015. May the birth of my granddaughter, Hope, cause a new level of faith to leap up inside you as it did me.

Hope at Home

Hope From the Book of Romans

The book of Romans is one that is filled with some of the greatest verses in the Holy Bible. When it comes to the topic of hope, Romans provides many verses to inspire you.

Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Romans 12:12  Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Romans 15:4 For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Romans 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Give Birth: Plant Seeds of Healing

Posted on by November 18, 2014avatar
Reply

(Re-posted from December 24, 2013 by Martha)

Jesus is ReasonHow do you say “Merry Christmas” to a child who might have recently experienced his parents divorcing, has had a loved one to die, been the target of bullying, has a loved one in jail, and the list could go on and on.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been writing on Surviving the Holidays after a loss. I kid you not; grieving is hard. It is crazy and takes on many different twists, and has been compared to waves that wash in when you least expect them, especially during the holidays.

Having said that, I have to believe that the healing of emotional scars brought on by losses is like planting seeds in a garden and watching them grow. Come with me while I suggest seeds to plant in your child’s garden (his heart) during this Christmas season, as well as the up-coming year.

stickman plantingGod Hurt Inside Seed

The Bible tells about the first time that God experienced a loss. It happened like this:

When God created Adam and Eve, they became His very special friends. He made the beautiful Garden of Eden to be their home, and He walked and talked with them every day in the garden. As you know, He told them everything in the garden was theirs to enjoy, but gave them this warning:

“You may eat any fruit in the garden except fruit from the Tree of Good and Evil, for its fruit will open your eyes to make you aware of right and wrong, good and bad. If you eat its fruit, you will be doomed to die.” (Genesis 2:16-17)

And, of course, they did just what God told them not to do. Their sin separated them from God and He experienced his first loss – the loss of Adam and Eve’s friendship, as well as all the other people born into the world after them. This loss of friendship made God Hurt Inside.

stickman plantingThe Birth of Jesus Seed

Because God still loved people so much, one day He sent His son, Jesus, into the world. It happened like this:

That night, some shepherds were in the fields outside the village, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly an angel appeared among them, and the landscape shone bright with the glory of the Lord. They were badly frightened, but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “I bring you the most joyful news ever announced, and it is for everyone! The Savior – yes, the Messiah, the Lord – has been born tonight in Bethlehem!” (Luke 2:8-11)

Jesus’ birth paved the way for the day He would shed His blood for man’s sins and would give people an opportunity to be friends with God again as they received Him as their Savior. Thus, God’s loss of friendship was healed and restored.

stickman plantingThe Healing of the Broken-Hearted Seed

But, God sent Jesus into the world to do something else, too. During his ministry on earth, He went into the synagogue on the Sabbath, opened the book of the prophet Isaiah, and began to read:

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me; he has appointed me to preach Good News to the poor; He has sent me to Heal the brokenhearted and to announce that captives shall be released and the blind shall see, that the downtrodden shall be freed from their oppressor, and that God is ready to give blessings to all who come to Him.” (Luke 4:18)

Jesus’ birth paved the way, not only for our salvation but, yes, The Healing of the Broken-Hearted.

As we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I believe all these seeds planted in your child’s life, is a message of hope for an emotional and spiritual birth that will be birthed in our own lives and in the life of our children after a loss. Watch for the day, when your child will blossom as a beautiful array of flowers, and in turn, he will plant seeds into others’ lives.

flower bed

Hannah and I would like to wish you and yours a Merry Christmas, and blessings to you during this Holiday Season and in the coming year.”