In last week’s post, I recounted my own journey down a muddy road in search of where my self-esteem had plunged to its lowest level by the time I was 40 years of age. The path led me right back to my childhood, as is often the case.
Robert McGee, professional counselor and author of You and Your Parents, says that parents can do all the right things, and a negative word or a circumstance can come into a child’s life that could block their emotional development. Along with the blocked emotional development, their self-esteem begins to spiral downward.
“Self-Esteem, or Self-Worth,” as it is sometimes called,
can be defined as how you feel about yourself, the opinion you have of yourself,
or how much value you place on yourself.
Obviously, we can’t lock children in a cage and shelter them from the world around them. However, we owe it to our children to build a self-confidence in them that cannot be shaken when demeaning acts of unkindness cross their paths or any type of loss comes into his life.
So, what can WE do to help build a solid foundation of self-esteem in children in the midst of circumstances in his world? By we, I mean parents, grandparents, youth leaders, school teachers, or any caring adult?
I believe the answer to that is two-fold. Start early in life with point #1.
(1) Instill in Children the Magnificent Way God Created Him
When a child begins to see himself as God sees him, his self-esteem cannot be shaken off its foundation. Take a stroll with me through the spiritual art gallery of God’s most precious piece of artwork – His people. Point these features of God’s masterpiece out to the child often.
- God Created You With a Beautiful Body.
Psalm 139:13-14 says: “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body, and knit them together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! It is amazing to think about. Your workmanship is marvelous and how well I know it.” (TLB)
- Everybody has a different shaped nose, ears, eyes, and teeth.
- Some people wear glasses.
- Some people have curly hair, some people have straight.
- Everyone has a different size body and shape.
- People have different skin tones.
Not everybody looks the same, but the way you were uniquely designed is what makes you beautiful and handsome.
- God Created You With Special Abilities
Sometimes children do not recognize the strengths and abilities God has given him, so adults should point them out and encourage him in his abilities. Those special abilities might include: Dancing, Singing, Acting, Aerobics, Playing Baseball, Jumping Hurdles, Drawing, Painting, Writing, Sewing, and the list goes on.
A note of caution: Often times, adults fall into the trap of trying to create an ability in a child that we think is best for them, rather than allowing them to pursue their own interests. I confess that I tried to do that before I learned better.
I am forever grateful to my pastor, the late David Berkheimer, for helping me understand this scripture in Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
He explained that in the Greek, in the way he should go, means “the way he is bent.” The way he is bent is the way God created him, and just like a tree limb, you cannot bend him another way, no matter how hard you try. What we should do is encourage him in the area in which he shows the most interest.
- God Calls You Special Names
Play a game with a child and help him find names in the Bible that God calls him. For example:
- Salt of the Earth (Matthew 5:13)
- Light of the World (Matthew 5:14)
- Bold (I John 4:17)
- Friend (John 15:15)
- Strong (Ephesians 6:10)
- Conqueror (Romans. 8:37)
- God Values You
Mark 10:13-18 tells the story of mothers bringing their children to Jesus to bless them. Jesus’ disciples shooed the mothers away, telling them not to bother Jesus. But, when Jesus saw what was happening, He was very much displeased with his disciples and said to the disciples, “Don’t send the children away!”
Then Jesus took the children into his arms, placed his hands on their heads, and blessed them. Without a doubt, Jesus was showing the children He valued them as well as had time for them.
- God Loves You
Most of us remember the first song we learned to sing in Sunday School was: Jesus Loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong; they are weak, but He is strong.”
Perhaps we didn’t realize at the time just how much Jesus really does love us. Why not teach children scriptures showing just how much Jesus does really love them, as they sing the song that has been passed down from generation to generation. For example:
- He loves you so much that He has counted every hair on your head! [Matthew 10:30]
- He loves you so much that He protects you while you are asleep. [Psalms 4:8]
- He loves you so much even when you make a mistake.
- He loves you so much that He gave his life for you. [John 3:16]
- God Created You to Help Others
I think we all would agree that one of the most fulfilling moments of our lives is when we help others. One of the best ways to promote this idea in children is to encourage him to be a friend to: the new kid at school, the child that is purposely left out of activities, the child with a disability, going with a child who is being bullied to tell an adult. Not only does this make the “other child” feel accepted and valued, but it makes your child have a feeling of worth, knowing he has helped someone.
(2) Help Children Grieve Through Losses in Their Lives
Having a good self-image, God’s Way, is an added booster whenever losses come into a child’s life, however, never under-estimate the pain that the following losses can cause.
- Being bullied by another child
- A degrading remark by a teacher, classmate, or even a friend
- Making a move and not making friends right away
- Parents’ divorce
- Death of a loved one
- Being made fun of because of a disability
- Low grades in school
- Not approving of his appearance
- Verbal, physical, and sexual abuse
In my book, Helping Hurting Children, I present guidelines that any caring adult can use to help children cope with losses that come into his young life. Grieving through losses at an early age prevents him from carrying excess baggage into his adult life.
My friends, let’s all get involved in laying a foundation in our children that paves the path for them to become all God created them to be.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to make a phone call to my grandchildren and shout out to them — Hannah, Zach, Hadley, and Hadley’s soon-to-be little sister:
“You were magnificently created!
Join me next week when my guest will be Oriana Amodeo, a beautiful talented 14 year old, who will be telling her story on Self-Esteem. Get ready to be inspired.
Last week, my guest writer was Oriana Amodeo. Today, her twelve-year-old sister, Keeleigh, is my guest. Keeleigh’s writing and illustration will touch your heart as she tells the story of the loss of her pet dog, Sparkle.
My name is Keeleigh Amodeo and I am twelve years old. Last school year I was in honors math and science. I also participated in art and I will continue doing art next school year. I am going to play volleyball, basketball and run track next year. I am also doing all honors classes next year and participating in Math UIL.