Let the School Year Begin

Posted on by August 24, 2015avatar
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Nana & Grandkids“We’re back!” “We’re back!”

I took a short break from blogging during the summer months.  Now, with school starting all across the nation, we will be back in full force again.  By we, I mean my talented illustrator and granddaughter, Hannah.

Not only will be talking about how to help a child in grief, which is what my book, Helping Hurting Children: A Journey of Healing is all about, but we will be covering other “hot topics,” as well.

To name a few:

  • Healthy Lifestyles
  • Texting
  • Social Skills
  • Sharing Your Faith
  • Family Relationships
  • Money Matters
  • Technology

You see, friends, I have three other grandchildren besides Hannah.  Please allow me to introduce them to you, as shown in the featured picture.  There’s Hannah’s brother, Zach, age 7.  Then there are their little cousins, Hadley, age 4, and baby sister, Hope, 7 months.

I got to tell you that it concerns me about this ever-changing world that my grandchildren live in, as well as their young friends.  These “hot topics” we will be presenting each week are just a few of the conflicts they face or will be facing on a daily basis.  Their decisions, as they walk through these conflicts, could affect them the rest of their lives.

Therefore, I challenge parents, grandparents, children’s ministers, or any caring adult to join me each Tuesday in a discussion around each topic presented.  Together we can become the catalyst in helping a child make good decisions, and grow into a well-balanced adult, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  And above all, may we all join together in daily prayer for our children.

Hannah promises me that she and her friends will also be making videos concerning their world, so I am excited about our new ventures into “hot topics.” I got a feeling that this “Grandma” (Nana) is going to learn some new stuff herself.

And now — — let the school year begin!!!

Acceptance: The Grieving Process

Posted on by June 13, 2015avatar
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Grieving StepsFor the past few months, I have been writing on the different steps most commonly associated with The Grieving Process.  Just briefly the steps that I have covered, as my granddaughter Hannah has illustrated, are:

Step 1. Numb: The state of shock immediately following a loss.  You might say it works like a tranquilizer that helps you get through the initial onslaught of a loss.

Step 2. Denial: Defense mechanism used to block pain.

Step 3. Bargaining: Trying to cut a deal with God to get out of a situation quickly rather than walking through the pain associated with the loss and feeling His comfort.

Step 4. Emotions: Response and  reactions to life’s circumstances.

Step 5. Forgiveness: The act of releasing others and yourself from hurts in your life.

May I quickly point out that there is no systematic order in which an individual goes through the above steps.  You may also “bounce” in an out of a step several times.  Do not be discouraged when that happens.  Remember that emotional healing is a process or as it is sometimes called, a journey.

Today, we have reached Step 6: ACCEPTANCE.  (The last step.)

Melba Berkheimer, my friend and mentor of The Grieving Process, related how she was progressing through all the emotions surrounding her mother’s death.  Six months passed and all of a sudden one day, “the little girl inside of me rose up and the little girl was lonely; the little girl was sad because her Mother wasn’t there anymore, and I cried and cried.”

The next week the same feelings came again.  This time I cried out, “Lord, I hurt, help me!”  At that moment, the word nostalgia came into my mind.  I looked up the meaning of nostalgia in the dictionary and discovered that it meant an abnormal yearning to return to something in the past.

Nosta in Greek means to return home.  Algia in Greek means pain.  And that’s what I wanted to do-go back like a little girl.  I felt like I was 10 years old inside and Mother was 36, and she was going to make it right.  Inside of me I was hurting and wanted to go back home.  At that point, I knew I had to accept her death, not approve of it, but accept it.

And that’s what we have to do with all losses in our lives.

But, keep this in mind:  There is a big difference between ACCEPT and APPROVAL.

Acceptance means accepting life at a new place
and begin the process of moving forward.
It does not mean approval.

We sometimes think we have to approve of someone or something in order to accept the situation or or someone, but that is not true.  We have to accept a lot of things in life, but we don’t have to approve of them.

Think of it this way:  If your body gets a transplant of a particular organ and your body accepts the transplant, you have a new life.  But, if your body rejects it, you don’t have a new life.  So it is with situations in our lives; acceptance is what we have to do in order to have a new life.

Perhaps you are saying at this point, “How can I accept this situation; after all, it’s not supposed to be this way!”  God is probably agreeing with you by saying, “No, it’s not supposed to be this way, but go ahead and agree that this is the way it is.”

You do not approve it, but you are agreeing with it so that you can accept it.  Otherwise there is a portion of you going this way inside and another portion going the other way.  When things go opposite one another, it produces friction.  And that’s exactly what is going on inside; friction and turmoil because you’re saying, “I can’t accept it.”  Begin to go the same direction by accepting it, even though you don’t approve of it.

Sometimes you will even feel like you are a traitor to the cause because you have to accept it.  You are not a traitor.  You are just accepting the facts of reality for your peace.

There are 2 kinds of acceptance:  Seasonal and Permanent.  Recognizing the difference is of great value.

Seasonal Acceptance:  Accepting a present situation does not mean accepting it as a permanent situation.  There are times you have to accept it for a season.  A lot of people feel like “I have really messed up my life.”  Perhaps something has happened and they think that they have messed their life up and they will never get through the situation.  It is probably a seasonal thing and all things have a season to go through.  And then the harvest is over and you’ll be able to plant new seeds and new life into the circumstances of your life.

Permanent Acceptance:  Sometimes with acceptance, there will be no solution.  God wants us to learn to accept it just like it is.  In times like this, God is saying, “I will walk with you and we will detour around the situation.”

How Can You Know When You’ve Reached Acceptance?

  1. When you can talk about the loss freely and it just doesn’t STING like it once did.
  2. When the time comes that you are reaching out to help others and you are no longer drawn back into the prison with your own loss.
  3. When you begin to have fond memories of the loss inside.  Fond memories come as a result of things you have learned and it has brought good into your life.  What has happened is that you have assimilated the loss.

My friends, I’d like to leave you with a challenge from Acts l, verses 4 and 8.   As Jesus was about to ascend back into heaven, He said to His disciples:

Do not depart from Jerusalem, wait for the promise of the Father.  You shall receive power after the Holy Ghost has come upon you.  After that, you shall be my witnesses.

Why did Jesus instruct them to go to Jerusalem?  I am not sure, but perhaps Jesus knew it was the place the disciples might have felt defeated as they watched Him being crucified there, and He wanted them to return and receive power at the very place they thought they were defeated.

Likewise—

Your loss is not your place of defeat.
It is a place where the Holy Spirit can empower you
to go forward into a new beginning in your life.

It is also the place where you will receive the power
to comfort others as He has comforted you in your time.

Blessings to you as you go forward.

Asking Forgiveness When You Are the Offender

Posted on by June 21, 2015avatar
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Im Sorry“Ask them to forgive me?” “But, I haven’t done anything to hurt them; they are just wearing their feelings on their shoulders.”

Would you stop to consider with me that there is a possibility that, just as others hurt us, we also hurt others? It would serve us all well to ask ourselves the question:

“Do I see the existing and the potential destruction of sin in my own life?”

Many of us can say that we’ve never physically or sexually abused anyone, never had an affair, or committed a murder. But, the truth of the matter is, we are capable of it because the seeds of the cancer of sin are still within us even after salvation.

Paul describes the turmoil that the sin within us can generate in Romans 7:19-21: For the good that I wish, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not wish: but, if I am doing the very thing I do not wish, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. I find the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wishes to do good.

Paul is not implying that sin is stronger than the power of the Holy Spirit within us; he is making the point that it still exists and exerts a strong downward pull on us. Believers can resist and overcome the power of sin through Christ, but there is a battle to be fought.

The story of David and his adulterous affair with Bathsheba gives us a striking example of this concept, and a good example to show how we can hurt others.

Bathsheba became pregnant as a result of the affair, and David then had her husband killed so he could marry her. The baby was born, and David went on with his life as if nothing had happened.

God sent Nathan, the prophet, to confront David. Nathan used an illustration of two men who owned sheep: One was very rich, owning many sheep; the other was poor, owning nothing but one little lamb. When a guest came to the rich man’s home, instead of killing a lamb from his own flocks for food, he stole the poor man’s one lamb and killed it to feed his guest.

Outraged at this situation, David responded: “Any man who would do something like that should be put to death; he shall repay four lambs to the poor man for the one he stole, for having no pity.” Nathan replied, “David, you are the man.”

David had quickly seen the speck in another’s life, but had failed to recognize the log in his own. (Matthew 7:3) (2 Samuel 11)

Sometimes we knowingly and deliberately have wronged and hurt other people. Other times, we unconsciously hurt others because of unresolved hurts in our own lives. It has been said that hurting people hurt other people.

However, it is clear from Matthew 5:23-24: “So, if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that a friend has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar and go and apologize and be reconciled to him, and then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” (TLB)

Therefore, regardless of how and when we have hurt others, we need to make amends.

Perhaps you can use the following steps to guide you through the process.

  1. Ask the Holy Spirit to Show You Those You Have Hurt

    Make a list of them and then confess your sin to God and ask His forgiveness. (1 John 1:9)

  2. Confess to a Prayer Partner

    James 5:16 says: Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another that you may be healed. There is something about unveiling our faults to another person that humbles us. However, discretion must be used as to whom you confess and to what you confess.

  3. Confess to the person That You Have Offended if They Know of the Offense and Ask Their Forgiveness

    Making sure that the other person knows of the offense is vital before you start asking their forgiveness. For example: Charles Stanley tells the story of a young man who asked a woman to forgive him for lusting after her. It proved to be quite an embarrassing situation.

If you know someone has something against you, do not wait for that person to come to you for forgiveness. Go to him and ask his forgiveness whether he comes to you or not.

What if the person you have offended rejects your efforts to make amends? Leave them in God’s hands. You are not responsible for someone else’s actions, only yours. Rest in the fact that you have done your part to put the past behind you.

My friends, if you are like me, saying “I’m sorry” is not fun! Most of us like to be the recipient of a heartfelt apology, rather than giving one.

But, I have come to realize that perhaps apologies aren’t supposed to be easy. Is physical therapy easy? No, but it rehabilitates the body from injury. Likewise, asking forgiveness of someone we have hurt rehabilitates the soul. It requires taking the blinders off our own eyes and facing our flaws. After all, nobody is perfect.

Join me in doing what my granddaughter, Hannah, has so beautifully illustrated. She says that this is her favorite drawing of all time.

Im Sorry 2