Starting Over at 43

Posted on by April 13, 2015avatar
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Lynette DuquetteI welcome back as my guest writer today Lynette Duquette from Chicopee, Massachusetts. Her post last week on Negative Emotions – The New Taboo, generated several comments from readers telling times that they, too, had had people say to them: “You shouldn’t feel the way you are feeling.” Interestingly, Lynette took us through the scriptures showing people expressing “negative” feelings.

Today, Lynette writes about the emotional roller coaster ride she has been on since she and her husband have decided to separate. I have cross-posted her story from Lynette’s website, When God Says Move, with her permission.

It’s been a long time since I have posted, and much has happened. I have finally found a wonderful church who has been a very important part of my healing. For that I am grateful. I am currently in counseling with a certified therapist on staff at the church. Sadly, my marriage is ending after 23 years. My husband and I had been discussing separation, but I still had hope that things could work out. However, a circumstance arose that I believe was God’s way of showing me that my marriage is over for good.

The revelation of this issue in my marriage was a serious blow to my heart. I was, and still am devastated. My marriage had been through situations before, but none had affected me as much as this time. I asked my counselor why. Her response was that while I still had hope, this last issue was the thing that told me there is no hope left. I see that things will not change with my husband. It is a great loss, and there is a grieving process I will go through.

My emotions have been all over the place. I can go from angry to sad to being okay all in the course of one day. What I am learning right now is that it is absolutely okay to have what some would deem ‘negative emotions’ considering what I am going through. Personally, I despise the word ‘negative’ being put in front of emotions. Sadness, anger, depression…those are all considered negative.

I am also learning that it is okay to recognize that ‘today I am feeling…’. I spent years trying to fight these ‘negative emotions’. I have tried denying them, replacing them, wearing a mask, and outright lying. The only thing that got me was feeling even worse, both physically and mentally. I am learning to say ‘it’s okay that I feel…’ but to not let that feeling prevent me from doing what needs to be done. I find that accepting these emotions is far more freeing that trying to deny or stifle them.

Being transparent is important, so let me share with you something I did in the midst of this anger I have. I got so angry one evening that I threw a water bottle across the room at the wall. I don’t usually do that, but this was also before the discussion I had with my counselor about being okay with my emotions. Was it the best way to deal with my anger? Nope. I know that. But I had been told for so long that ‘anger’ was bad. So I kept stuffing and stuffing and denying it until it exploded. I went to church the next day and told someone what had happened. She didn’t scold me, or beat me over the head with scripture. She held my hand and said “I’ve been there. I understand, and I am sorry you are hurting.” Words such as those were more healing than any scripture on anger could have ever been at that time.

To make matters worse, I’m broke. Before my husband left, he was the main breadwinner. I’m only going to be working on an as needed basis, even though I recently told my boss I am ready for more hours. (I took a few weeks off until my husband moved out due to stress as I also work in an extremely stressful environment). My boss ended up hiring someone else. You know what? I admitted today, to myself, that yes, I am frustrated. It’s okay. By admitting my emotion, I was able to get up and do my dishes and a few other things, instead of sitting here, fighting and pleading for God to take the emotion away.

Being able to admit how I am feeling has been a very freeing thing for me. I am human, I have emotions, and it’s okay.

I am sure you will join with me in praying for Lynette’s future. No doubt, it can be a scary thing to start life over at any age.

Perhaps, you have been in a similar situation. Why not describe how you dealt with it. Perhaps it will be of encouragement to Lynette.

Lynette’s Bio

I have been a believer for 13 years, I am a mom to an adult son whom I adore, and we live in Massachusetts. I love music, reading and nature.

I have had the privilege of being the leader of Celebrate Recover, a group which deals with people dealing with addictions. What a joy it was to witness people’s lives changed and start becoming who God called them to be.

My heart is to help other wounded hearts. My website is When God Says Move.

Negative Emotions…The New Taboo

Posted on by March 24, 2015avatar
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no-feelingsI welcome as my guest writer today Lynette Duquette from Chicopee, Massachusetts. I became acquainted with Lynette through an on-line Bible Study. I admire her transparency and honesty in our discussion groups. I know you will be inspired by her frank, but Christ-like post on negative emotions, which I have cross-posted from Lynette’s website When God Says Move with her permission.

Today I want to address something I see quite often in Christianity as of late. The subject is our negative emotions. I come across posts almost daily that tell us to ignore how we feel if it seems to be a ‘bad’ feeling such as anger, depression, hurt, etc. I have been trying to wrap my brain around this and I can’t. There are hundreds of instances in the Bible that talk about our emotions. I did a web search about scriptures on emotions, and the first two pages were all about controlling our emotions. I do not disagree that controlling them is a good thing, there are many scriptures that state we should. But I was looking for actual scriptures that showed people in the Bible showing emotion!

Matthew 21:12 And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves. 13 And He said to them, “It is written, ‘MY HOUSE SHALL BE CALLED A HOUSE OF PRAYER’; but you are making it a ROBBERS’ DEN.” (NASB) Jesus overturned the tables. He called them robbers and thieves. I think we can all assume He wasn’t smiling when He did it. He didn’t pat them on the head and say “Oh, it’s okay.” He got angry! Anger can be justified.

John 11:35 Jesus wept. 36 So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” 37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”38 Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus wept and was deeply moved. His friend had died, and I believe he had also wept over their unbelief. (ESV) There is obviously a time and place for negative emotions.

Luke 22:44 “And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly; and his sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” (ESV) This is an actual medical condition in which someone feels such great agony it causes their blood vessels to burst and their sweat mixes with blood. In Matthew 26:38 it says Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” (ESV.) Jesus felt such sorrow, it felt like death to Him.

So why, when someone comes to us with their sorrow, their anger, their sadness, do we not validate them? “You shouldn’t feel like that” is one of the most hurtful things you can say to someone. They may have every right to feel that way! Are we trying to produce Christian drones who walk around with no feelings? Why? So others will think we have it all together? That is not living an honest life. It is not living in reality. Can our emotions be misdirected? Yes. However negative emotions are our internal warning system that something is wrong. If we want people to come to know Christ, they need to know they can come angry, depressed, hurt, scared, or with any other emotion they might be experiencing at the time. Can God heal them and help them work through it? Absolutely! I will leave you with this…

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, 6a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

God gave you your emotions. Never be ashamed of them. No one has the right to tell you how you can or cannot feel.

Don’t you just love how Lynette takes us through the scriptures pin-pointing people showing emotions?  Can you think of other scriptures of people expressing their emotions?  If so, leave her a comment.

Join Lynette right here next week. You don’t want to miss her own personal story of how she has dealt with her emotions during a time of loss..

Lynette’s Bio

lynetter duquetteI have been a believer for 13 years, I am a mom to an adult son whom I adore, and we live in Massachusetts. I love music, reading and nature.

I have had the privilege of being the leader of Celebrate Recover, a group which deals with people dealing with addictions. What a joy it was to witness people’s lives changed and start becoming who God called them to be.

My heart is to help other wounded hearts. My website is When God Says Move.

What One Person Can Do for Jesus

Posted on by March 29, 2015avatar
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Hannah-Jesus-TombComing up this week is Easter Sunday — the day we celebrate The Resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

In the week prior to Easter each year, by way of the scriptures, I visit the sites of “The Greatest Story Ever Told.”

I enter The Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus was betrayed. I stroll down the Via Dolorosa path trying to visualize the sights and sounds of that horrendous day. Moving past the city gates of Jerusalem, I make my way to Golgotha, where He died on the cross. Ending my visit at the tomb, I leave rejoicing that He is not there.

During my visit this year, not only was my heart filled with gratitude for what Jesus did for me, but it was also stirred with an awareness of what common ordinary people were doing for Jesus.

I invite you to pay a visit to these people with me, and let’s examine our own lives to see what one person can do for Jesus.

Mark 14:1-9 – One Woman Did What She Could
A certain woman heard that Jesus would soon die and wanted to prepare his body for burial. While He was eating at the home of Simeon, the Leper, she came into the house with an alabaster jar of expensive perfume and poured it over his head. The people rebuked her harshly for not selling the perfume and giving the money to the poor. But Jesus said: “Let her alone. She has done what she could. She has done a beautiful thing for me. The poor you will always have with you and you can help them any time; but I won’t be here much longer.”

When we do what we can do with the abilities we have,
or give of those things we treasure the most,
we are doing a beautiful thing for Jesus.

Mark 15:17-21 – One Man Carried The Cross
Jesus was sentenced to die and began his journey to the site of the crucifixion. The Romans recognized that Jesus had grown weak and ready to faint under the load of the cross and feared he would die before he got to the site. So, they drafted Simon of Cyrene, a visitor to the city, to carry the cross for Jesus.

When we help carry the burden of someone who has grown tired and weary,
we are doing a beautiful thing for Jesus.

Mark 15:42 – One Man Risked Persecution
After the crucifixion had taken place, Joseph of Arimathea, went in boldly to Pilate, and asked for the body of Jesus for burial. He did this knowing he could incur displeasure, reproach, and persecution of the Jews. He was not ashamed of being associated with Jesus nor afraid to appear in his behalf.

When we are willing to risk the persecution of others
to be obedient to His call on our lives,
we are doing a beautiful thing for Jesus.

Mark 16: 9-13 – One Woman Told the Story of His Resurrection
Mary, the mother of Jesus, and Mary Magdalene, a woman whom he had cast out seven devils, came to the tomb. Not finding him there, they fled trembling and bewildered. Soon, Jesus appeared to Mary Magdalene. Running to his weeping disciples, Mary shouted, “HE’S ALIVE!” Bible commentaries say it is possible that Jesus made His first appearance to this woman to show us as an example of his abounding grace.

When we catch a glimpse of grace, God’s unmerited favor,
we will do a beautiful thing for Jesus by sharing the gospel with everyone we meet.

Luke 23:39 – One Man Accepted Jesus as his Savior
As Jesus hung between two criminals on the cross, the conversation went like this: First thief: “So, you are the Messiah, are you?” “Prove it by saving yourself and us, too!” Second thief: “Jesus, remember me, when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus said: “Today, you will be with me in Paradise.”

When we accept Jesus as our Savior, not only are we doing it for our eternal life,
but we are doing it for him so that His suffering will not be in vain.

My friends, when we think of the Easter story, may our hearts cherish what Jesus did for us. But, when we think of ordinary people like you and me, may we be reminded of what one person can do for Jesus.

Could it be that what we do for Jesus will also be written down as a memorial to us like these people? Oh, I long to hear Him say: “Well, done, my good and faithful servant.”

Hannah and I wish you a most joyful Easter Sunday with your family and friends.